In the year 2007 I flew to the US. I was one of the few who were lucky to have been granted a job in the said country. But despite my confidence there’s still a fair amount of fear that daunted me: being all by myself. Adjusting in my new life in the foreign country was by far the most challenging. All the pressure was in me. I felt ashamed because it seemed like I was the smallest in the block. Imagine, the Americans were so tall and it often make me feel so detached being with them; very intimidating. I could honestly say that my confidence is slowly wearing-out. Maybe they were thinking that I can only perform limited works because of my height. But I was wrong. They respected me just like the rest of the members of the medical team. They commend my skills and even looked up on my capabilities. I realized, height, after all, does not matter. What matters is your performance, how you connect with your colleagues and how you deal with the stresses brought by your work.

True enough, height is might; but that ain’t matter to me…

As what I observed, Filipino nurses are the ones being treated pleasantly by the Americans. I think, it’s our empathy and love for our work that impress them. How we deal with our patients is very therapeutic compared to others. Filipino nurses have always been in demand to foreign countries especially here in the US.

Nowadays, realizing the American dream turns out to remain just a dream; pathetic. New Filipino nurses could no longer enter the US that simple unlike in our time wherein applying here was not yet that strict and complicated; lucky for me that I enjoyed that benefit.

To the new RN’s out there, do not lose hope. Don’t let your American dream rot; turn it into reality. If you have that desire of working here, start applying right now. Might as well start by taking the NCLEX; if you are an NCLEX passer, you are actually standing closer to living your American dream. Don’t let the global recession and other circumstances deter you. Keep the faith. Goodluck!!! =)

I found out it was only for formality’s sake that I was made to read all those guidelines; bogus guidelines. I was out there on my own, guarding my every move cause a single mistake might cost the patient’s life—-or mine.

It was supposed to be a relaxing weekend for me at the beach. The weather’s beautiful, the beach’s magnificent; everything’s perfect. I spread my sarong in the white powdery sand under a talisay tree. I sat there siphoning a glass of nice, ice-cold mango shake. I was starting to read Paulo Coelho’s intriguing novel “Eleven Minutes”; “my weekend getaway is excellent”, I thought.

Enjoying every moment of frigging around, I indulged myself even deeper into a well-deserved slumber. Moments later I was awakened by frantic sounds of people. A young girl drowned and the concerned people was shouting “who’re doctors or nurses here?” I am a nurse but I’m not really well-versed when it comes to emergency situations such as what was transpiring.

With an honest heart and intentions clear as an infant, I hurried towards the victim. She’s unconscious. Of course I started with the ABC principle. She was not breathing so I attempted to revive her but nothing happened. Despite my focus I couldn’t help but hear the obtrusive comments of the surrounding cynics. And yes one of it was—oh well, you can read the first sentence of this post. Aid came over, and the girl was rushed to a nearby hospital. I heard she survived; obviously not because of me.

Talk about a shrinking self-esteem….

One time, as I was talking to my patient for an assessment, a relative of another patient who might have mistakenly identified me as a doctor, asked for my help regarding a consumed IV bottle that was still hooked up. I, without any tinge of doubt, immediately closed its flow regulator. Waking up from a delayed confusion, I realized I was not on duty and I should not have done that. The best course of action would have been to report the concern to the on-duty nurse. I was almost tempted to open the regulator back and let the patient’s blood fill the IV tube, but that’s utterly foolish. Well, my point is, I’m not on duty and I wont be liable if something happens to the patient. It should be clear to the nurse on duty to monitor his/her patient’s status regularly.

I’m not being shrewish about the incident; it was a plain and simple task but the rules says no, I should not be doing it. Ironically, asking an on-duty nurse, busy as they are, to close an intravenous regulator is also ridiculous. I guess this is one of the simplest forms of dilemma that envelopes nurses as to when their duty and role stop. Essence says it is, while the regulation says it’s not. Well I guess sometimes, logically illogical matters are indeed logical.

Being a nurse, I am well aware that prevention is paramount when we are talking about health; even a non-nurse knows that. Perhaps I was just so carefree about this concept. Just two weeks ago the weather wasn’t so friendly and I was starting to feel ill. I had a high fever and I blamed it on the lability of the weather. My parents started to panic when two days have passed and my fever showed no signs of going away and my sister was starting to feel feverish too. We were both rushed to the hospital and when laboratory results came, we were diagnosed to have Dengue fever. I was totally enfeebled by the disease and my queasiness grew even worse when the doctor announced that, by far, I am the first patient ever admitted in the hospital with a platelet count that reached 4,000 cells/mm³ (normal is about 150,000-400,000 cells/mm³).

I was so thankful that I recuperated well from the disease; I could have died. While I was convalescing I realized that my nursing knowledge could never separate me from frailty and susceptibility. More importantly, the experience somehow roused my noesis about prevention that have seemed to hibernate for quite a while.

Such a pretty couple. Just when work have eaten me up, where everything is about finishing a day’s work and leaving tomorrow to face the same routine, here comes this simple form of recreation telling me it’s ok to slow down and it’s fine not to worry. But sadly, on Saturday morning we were on shock to find out the cage open and the other bird missing. The culprit? A cat that frequents our backyard every night to chase some mouse. Apparently, she considered having a different menu for dinner that night. I was happy having the cat to get rid of the nasty rodents; or so I thought. At that moment I really wanted to grab a copy of the finest siopao recipe, lol.

On Sunday afternoon, the other bird was suicidal (often, they don’t survive without a partner). I could feel his sadness, but what would really draw your attention is his eyes. It’s sheer melancholy. I’ve seen a lot of those eyes. I’m a nurse and if you happen to be in a government hospital for a quite a while, you would see those everyday. They may come in different shape, color and form but they all convey a poignant message—-painful, lonely and helpless. Some on their deathbed lying hopelessly, and some clinging to the last thread of hope—a miracle. Those eyes are moving and piercing. Should I be moved, or should I grow callous and be numb?

Long have I realized that Nursing is one profession where you have to take a parcel of the patient’s pain to get your job done and satisfy your role…

Yes, Cedric is my husband who was there for me through life’s ups and downs until Huntington’s Disease got hold of him and gradually devastated his being.
If only I could get him back by giving up everything… I would!
I took him to the movies, “Ice Age: The Dawn of the Dinosaurs”.
It was a sad movie though. Amidst the shrills and giggles of kids including my Cedric are my sobs and overflowing tears.
I know the time is near… I’m losing him…

I wrote this blog to share the lesson I learned the hard way. Treat your client as if he or she was your own…
I am left with no choice but to make his last days as special as possible. Whatever life may bring, I surely look forward to being one of the most caring nurses who ever existed.

The mishap that my colleague experienced could have been preventable. She was only closing a pathetically improvised sharps bin (disposable mineral water bottle) when a protruding contaminated needle stuck in her right palm. The incident makes me squeamish and terrified every time I go on duties knowing that it could always happen to me too. Could this be the real price of hospital nursing? Hospitals in developed countries use devices that permanently disable contaminated needles thereby reducing the incidence of needlestick; can’t the government afford such devices? Or the only thing that they could afford is to compromise the safety of healthcare workers?

The Philippine government should also grant healthcare workers their heartfelt attention especially on matters concerning the latter’s safety in the workplace. They could at least view it as a form of “Consuelo de bobo” from the little amount that these workers are earning in our country.

Until I considered it as a sign that I have a good chance of passing the said exam when I heard that NCLEX can be taken in the Philippines, since I never believed it would push through, considering what happened during the controversial June 2006 board examinations. By then, I started to file for my application. I chose a state then downloaded their application papers to be completed by me. When the time came that I had to schedule my examination day, I didn’t know what to think. But to make the long story short, I called the testing center and chose October 16, 2008 as my judgment day. I took the exam, I prayed, and luckily, I passed. I still can’t believe up to now.

Questions on how to apply for NCLEX is always the first thing that has to be answered. Applications can always be downloaded from the website of your choice of state. In my case, New Mexico offered a quick result feature which I could check 2 days after the examination, but comes with another payment, of course. The quick result may be a little expensive but at least, it placed me out of misery after 3 sleepless nights post-examination ( I really wasn’t planning to check through the quick result but I was miserable!).

All in all, the NCLEX experience has been a very challenging experience for me. Any nursing area could come out, from computations to prioritizations, to nursing laws, to disease process, etc. It was like going to a battle not knowing who your enemies are. But nevertheless, when one is equipped with proper and adequate review and trust in the Lord, nothing is impossible. One will harvest what one has planted.